A little discouraged

It's no surprise that I find myself feeling this way. There have been a number of times when I wondered if I was making the right decisions about going back to school at my age! It feels like I'm out hiking in the mountains right now. Just when I think I've made it to the top of trail, I look and see that there is another large hill that I couldn't see from below. The hike UP hill is still not over.

I've "finished" almost every single prerequisite for TWU. I applied, but was denied...totally expected this time around. If I retake Micro, A&P II and take another Chemistry class this summer and get A's in every one, my gpa will be all the way up to a 3.7 which I just learned is borderline for getting into TWU.

So...should I shift, and take other classes this summer that might help me get into UT Arlington's program? This might be a good idea since I'm applying for jobs at Presytarian Hospital in Dallas where they have a BSN program for their employees through UTA.

I thought I'd be in great shape for the next round of applications to Brookhavens ADN program, but I wasn't able to get into the two classes I really NEED to get the extra points necessary to be closer to the top of consideration.

I can/will look at other programs, but this becomes overwhelming sometimes. Every single nursing program has a different list of pre-reqs. Some require college Algebra, others do not. Some have special pre-nursing classes they want you to take from THEIR school. Some allow a basic intro to Chemistry, while others require a slightly higher level of Chemistry. UTA is the only program that requires a technical writing class. And the list goes on. If I went to another state (i.e. Idaho) the requirements are significantly different.

My biggest struggle is probably with timing. I'm getting older every day (duh) and I had hoped I would be finished with a nursing degree by the time I turned 50. It's looking less and less like that is possible at this point. I know...God's timing is always perfect...so I will trust in Him, and also pray that He will give me clear direction about what program to put all of my effort into.

There are other factors involved in this overwhelming feeling that are more on the personal side. I have a lot of changes and decisions taking place in my life. So not only am I on what seems like an endless hike, it also feels like there is an earthquake beneath my feet. Where will I land when the quake is over? Will another mountain be created in the process???

But I cling to what is good, what is pure, what is lovely...I cling to Christ who is my solid Rock. He gives me hope and peace when every other thing seems to be shifting. So, I will take a deep breath, go deep into God's Word and come back out with the strength, hope and peace to walk through this with Him God is good. He never changes. I can trust Him with my future. He knows the plans He has for me, and they are good plans. Plans that will cause me to become more like His Son. Plans that will show me how to love Him, my family and my friends even more. Whatever the circumstances, He has a plan that is so far beyond anything I can see and it is perfect.

I am discouraged, but I cling to HOPE. This is a feeling...not a fact. So, I feel it. I express it. Then I claim what IS true. The feeling begins to subside, and is replaced with peace. His peace.

"Thank you Lord for Your supernatural ability to transcend my wishy washy feelings. Thank YOU that when I am weak, YOU are strong! Your strength is perfected in my weakness. I am SO weak. You are SO MUCH STONGER! I trust You for my future. I trust that Your plan is perfect. Help me to stop struggling, and let You do Your work. May Your will be done in my life. I love you. Show me how to love you more. ~Amen."